Back to Art
There is something I have noticed about myself, or that I have finally realized after years and years of struggling with depression and anxiety (and this is a fairly recent observation also): the more time I spend in my head, in my mind, thinking, reading, studying, analyzing things etc., the more I tend to slip back into anxiety and depression and all that "fun" crap. So... I made a decision some time ago, and that is to try to do more physical, concrete, hands on stuff, especially whenever I notice myself starting to slip. Making art, especially, creating in general, is a good choice, and so is spending more time in the real world - going out, seeing things, touching, experiencing things. I guess this is part of the reason I decided to choose "I am enjoying my life" as my word/affirmation of the year also.
But anyway. Spending the last couple of days (well, more like a week), fussing about shadow work, tarot, starting my Lenormand course (btw, I have received my new deck!), toying out with the idea of daily Tarot and Lenormand card draws... kinda started to mess up with my head, again. So, I decided to take it easy and let it go for a while.
The thing with the daily draws is... I do not especially like to do readings for my self. At least not the predictive kind. And the reason is... it invariably tends to slowly drag me back into the anxiety mode. I'd prefer not to know what "the future has in hold for me", and just be more in the now, just doing me and my stuff. That is why I have also mostly given up on the whole planning thing (plus, it didn't work, for the most part, for me). I'm not saying I will never, ever, plan (if you have a specific project that you know more or less what it entails, it would be stupid not to plan its course of action), but the whole goal-oriented mindset, I wanna accomplish this and that in that time frame etc... not really for me. I'd rather just go with the flow. And chase a feeling (I want to feel better and lighter and freer), rather than a specific goal (versus I want to loose such and such weight in such and such amount of time).
So, I was thinking about possible solutions for the daily draws (because I still need, and want, the practice): doing them as an after-the-fact thing. Either drawing a card in the morning and leaving it face down all day long and only turning it face up in the evening and see what the day was about. Or simply drawing it in the evening for the day that just passed as a way to get more clarification and insight into it. And I think I will try the first version for a while. I actually saw this idea mentioned in one of the Lenormand books I skimmed this past couple of days (I don't remember which one, exactly, but I plan to read them cover to cover so I will be back once I find out).
Plus, this will eliminate the risk that part of the "prophecy" is... just self fulfillment... When you "know beforehand" what is going to happen... how much of it is really happening or... just you unconsciously making it happen?... Does that make sense?
Maybe that is why I stopped "playing around" with the whole lot (astrology, tarot etc), (for the most part, at least), lately (as in years). This "coming back to it" is a very recent thing. And I am going to be very careful about it, and not let myself slip back into the muck. Not fun being there, trust me.
Now off to more happy things! Like making art! :)
And until next time, I'll leave you with some art journal backgrounds that I've recently made (still working on these pages):
P.S. Just a very quick observation: maybe this is just me finally coming to terms with the idea of letting go of my South Node in Aquarius in the Fourth House (which is kind of my default way of operating), and embracing my North Node in Leo in the Tenth House... And also my INTP finally coming to terms with my emotional and experiential side (or at least being more open to the idea :), instead of just thinking, thinking, thinking and analyzing my way out of things... But that is a whole other story and a very, very long one. Maybe for another day. :)